So I have been a foster parent for 7 months now, and I have had the same kids in my care now for 7 months. I will not lie to you, these 7 months have been the most challenging 7 months of my life. I have dealt with so many meltdowns. Not being able to go out and enjoy certain things in life, whipped tears from their eyes and my own eyes. I have fought with case workers and court staff about these kids not going home to their bio parents due to their past trauma. I have had many sleepless nights, and a lot of high blood pressure. However, I have had a lot of laughs, a lot of smiles, and a lot of I love you along the way. When I look into my children eyes I see so much pain and fear. I also see how much they desire to be loved and to be taken care of. Recently, I have been struggling with my 7 year old who is in my care. I have struggled with can I keep doing this with her. Do I need to make the decision to have her moved? Tonight, I finally hit my breaking point, and I fell to my knees. I cried out to God. I can’t do this alone. I finally got up off my knees, and went to her room. She covered her face because she didn’t want to talk to me. I grabbed her bible and I picked up where we left off the night before. When I finished reading, I laid my hands on her shoulder and I prayed over her. When I was done praying, I felt little arms hug me, and tell me she was sorry. I felt tears and I whipped them away again. God is so good all the time, and he does hear us when we call out to him.
Recently my husband and I became foster parents. Well really it was around 6 months ago. We became licensed on June 29, and received our first placement of 3 siblings on June 30th. To this day we are still on this journey with them. The amount of love, pain, anger, and frustration we have felt is nothing that I have ever experienced in my life before. We have had friendships that have ended, friendships that have begun, received criticism and praise for what we do. We have also experienced difficulties at work. To say being a foster parent is a walk in the park would be a complete lie.
When we received the call to get our little angels my heart was filled with so much excitement! We welcomed a 8,6, and 3 year old to our home. They also had a 1 month old sister who was still currently in the hospital. I felt so blessed and overwhelmed all at the same time. I really didn’t expect to get kiddos so soon. We rushed frantically to make sure everything was prepared to welcome then when they got to our home. When we picked them up I was so scared. I had been preparing for the worst. I expected bad behaviors and so much more. To my surprise, they were so thrilled to be with us. They asked us immediately if they could call us mom and dad. Shocked, I said whatever makes you happy will make us happy. That night was a very energetic night because the kids were so excited.
About a week after they moved in, we started to see very aggressive behaviors from our 8 year old. It was so hard to watch him hurt the way he was hurting. I did the only thing I knew to do which was seek help for him. We struggled with him for over a month and then it was decided that he was not safe to be around his younger siblings at the time. That destroyed my husband and I. We still had the 2 younger siblings, and we were fighting to get the baby in our home as well, but still a piece was missing. We finally received the baby 3 months after having our kiddos. We had been experiencing some really rough traumatic behaviors from the 6 year old so it caused a delay in allowing the baby to move into the home.
Im happy to say that 6 months into this now we have the 6,3, and 6 month old children in our home. We are still working and praying to be able to bring the 8 year old back into our home once he learns how to manage coping skills.
Isn’t it crazy how everything in life requires us to wait. We have to wait to do anything. One would think that we would be pros at waiting considering how much practice life gives us. Yet most of us are very impatient people. I happen to be one of those extremely impatient and anxious people.
My husband and I are currently in classes for adoption and foster care. It is a 10 week process and then after that we have to wait almost another month just to get licensed, and then following that it can take up to another month just to have the kids placed with us. It is honestly so frustrating. I hate how much waiting we have to do. Then on top of that we are trying to have a baby of our own, but we are undergoing fertility treatments, but that requires a lot of waiting too because everything has to be timed just perfect. I seriously hate waiting. I just want it all now. I guess I should enjoy my quiet time of not having kids yet, but we have been looking forward to having kids for over 2 years now, so it just seems that we have been waiting long enough. When will our time come?
We are also waiting to move into a bigger home. We are on a waiting list, but today they come to do our pre-moveout inspection. Hopefully we will be offered a house not long after that. We have been waiting to move for a while now because we want to get comfortable in our home before we have to do the home inspection with the adoption agency. It just feels like so much pressure on us it is honestly unreal. I am so aggravated with housing though. They honestly are some of the most non sympathetic people I have ever met. Ugh I feel my blood pressure going up now.
This is the post excerpt.
I find it so crazy to think that when we are young we have our life all planned out, and then when we actually grow older everything changes. I always thought I would be living in California and surfing most of my young days away. That is not even close to what I am doing. I now live in Kansas with my husband and 3 dogs. My husband is in the Army. Even though my life didn’t pan out the way I expected it to, I would not change one second of it. My husband is honestly the best person in my life. He is so patient and understanding with me, but at times I worry that he will get sick of me and leave me one day, and that thought is the scariest thought…. SO i suffer from PTSD, severe anxiety, and depression. I struggle with suicide at times, but I am still making it. I feel like everyday is a new start with my disease, because even if the day before was tough, today is a new day. It took me along time to learn and understand that, but it is so true. The world does not stop turning because we have a bad day. We are the only ones who can control our life, and how we handle things. Deciding to go to therapy and to have a service dog was so difficult for me, but I realized it needed to be done for me to get better, so it is what I did.
Kansas has been a new start for us. That is the beauty of the military…. you get a new start every few years. Kansas was somewhere we were seriously dreading because there is nothing to do in Kansas… well that may be true, but Kansas was the new start that I needed. I have made some of the best friends here. They have seriously given me a more positive outlook on life, and for that I am so thankful. Kansas has also been where we have grown financially, and where I have been receiving the most medical help from. It is also where we will become parents. We are in foster classes right now, and we are hoping to adopt 2 little boys by the end of it. I really hope we get the 2 little boys because we are so excited about them…. so even though Kansas was not ideal for us it has been the New start we were looking for.